I don't want to go.

I want to stay. I'll be done next week. I'll miss them all.

Her.

I called her name, she was 8 years old.. but super tiny. I had to lift her onto the seat. As I got my xray stuff ready we talked about school. She loves math, I told her she's strange and she laughed at me. I took her to the exam room and told her to wait and that I'll be back. I wasn't having such a great day, but she brought a feeling to my heart. I can't really explain it. Every time I would pass that room she'd be turned around just watching me. OSHA was there and they were on us all. So I went to the middle hall and let out a big sigh. Then I turned my head and saw her just looking at me with a concerned look .. then she smiled at me. I went to her side and we just talked as if we knew each other. Then it was time to get fillings done. As I got the instruments ready, she was sorta crying. I told her not to worry and she smiled and then laughed. The Dr came in and as soon as she saw the needle she really started to cry, as I told her she could hold my hand, she grabbed on and held it tight. Didn't let go even when we were all done. I had to switch over and start her polish. She still held on. When I was done, I sat her up and told her she was done. She got up and walked away I took everything off.. gloves, mask, jacket.. and just sat down in that room looking straight at the floor. I blinked then saw two pink shoes right in front of me.. it was her. She touched my face and looked me straight in my eyes then gave me the biggest hug I've ever received. She told me to smile and not to cry and that I could hold her hand if I needed to. She then said i love you and wished me a Merry Christmas then she was off. I seriously, couldn't believe all that was happening.. it was as if we were somehow connected.
I'll never forget her, ever. Her name? Caridad :}

내 감정은 내가 당신을 위해 사랑 변하지 않아요

I really wanted to tell you about my day.

And how I got to share the gospel and why I'm a baptist and what I believe in to my coworker who just so happens to be a hardcore JW. Yeah, I was sorta nervous cause I thought he'd shoot me down, but surprisingly he wanted to know more. We had to stop cause patients came in, but he said he'd like to hear more! Isn't that really awesome?! It sure was a big blessing to me. I hope God can use me to be a light for him. . and of course everyone else.

So yes, that was my Saturday.. I just really wanted to share that with you.

Will I ever?

You say all these things, but do you mean them? How could it be that easy to just be fine with things? Will I ever be able to say the same things? To actually mean them too? Will I ever get you out of my system as I'm out of yours? I'm not pushing, I'm just thinking. Will I ever?

Of course not..

I think I'll stay here.

I can't seem to blog my feelings on tumblr. I mean I do, but they all stay in draft. I have over 20 post just sitting there. Words that fill my heart and mind. But I can't seem to post it up there. But here.. I feel safe. This is my spot. I've spilled a lot on here. I think I'll continue to do so.

I know what's in my heart and so do you.

I'm still here.