I don't want to go.

I want to stay. I'll be done next week. I'll miss them all.

Her.

I called her name, she was 8 years old.. but super tiny. I had to lift her onto the seat. As I got my xray stuff ready we talked about school. She loves math, I told her she's strange and she laughed at me. I took her to the exam room and told her to wait and that I'll be back. I wasn't having such a great day, but she brought a feeling to my heart. I can't really explain it. Every time I would pass that room she'd be turned around just watching me. OSHA was there and they were on us all. So I went to the middle hall and let out a big sigh. Then I turned my head and saw her just looking at me with a concerned look .. then she smiled at me. I went to her side and we just talked as if we knew each other. Then it was time to get fillings done. As I got the instruments ready, she was sorta crying. I told her not to worry and she smiled and then laughed. The Dr came in and as soon as she saw the needle she really started to cry, as I told her she could hold my hand, she grabbed on and held it tight. Didn't let go even when we were all done. I had to switch over and start her polish. She still held on. When I was done, I sat her up and told her she was done. She got up and walked away I took everything off.. gloves, mask, jacket.. and just sat down in that room looking straight at the floor. I blinked then saw two pink shoes right in front of me.. it was her. She touched my face and looked me straight in my eyes then gave me the biggest hug I've ever received. She told me to smile and not to cry and that I could hold her hand if I needed to. She then said i love you and wished me a Merry Christmas then she was off. I seriously, couldn't believe all that was happening.. it was as if we were somehow connected.
I'll never forget her, ever. Her name? Caridad :}

내 감정은 내가 당신을 위해 사랑 변하지 않아요

I really wanted to tell you about my day.

And how I got to share the gospel and why I'm a baptist and what I believe in to my coworker who just so happens to be a hardcore JW. Yeah, I was sorta nervous cause I thought he'd shoot me down, but surprisingly he wanted to know more. We had to stop cause patients came in, but he said he'd like to hear more! Isn't that really awesome?! It sure was a big blessing to me. I hope God can use me to be a light for him. . and of course everyone else.

So yes, that was my Saturday.. I just really wanted to share that with you.

Will I ever?

You say all these things, but do you mean them? How could it be that easy to just be fine with things? Will I ever be able to say the same things? To actually mean them too? Will I ever get you out of my system as I'm out of yours? I'm not pushing, I'm just thinking. Will I ever?

Of course not..

I think I'll stay here.

I can't seem to blog my feelings on tumblr. I mean I do, but they all stay in draft. I have over 20 post just sitting there. Words that fill my heart and mind. But I can't seem to post it up there. But here.. I feel safe. This is my spot. I've spilled a lot on here. I think I'll continue to do so.

I know what's in my heart and so do you.

I'm still here.

I love you.

I'm not gonna lie.

You're still the last person I think about when I close my eyes at night, and the first person to pop into my head when I awake.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

As strange as it seems.. that last pinky promise I made was today, and it was with myself.

So Dear self,
You pinky promised, and you fulfilled it! Good job!

Sincerely,
Self

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Dear Meca,
This year we've gotten super close! The things we do when were together are so random. I like how we can seriously talk about anything. You're an awesome person, seriously. I'm glad you came back to church. And I know how much you want your family to come to know Christ.. and how its super hard for you since they don't really care. I honestly don't know how that feels, but I do pray for you. And I am also close enough to know that deep down inside you, you hurt when it comes to your mom and her health. You say you don't care, but that's a lie. Just know it's okay, you'll be okay. And hopefully, your mom won't be so hard on you, but I'm sure it's alll out of love! I can't really say much, but just know you're in my prayers.

Sincerely,
Sopranoooo

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

This is a hard one, cause I have a lot of favorite memories.. but I must say the winner goes to..... my youth group!

So Dear youth group,
You guys are amazing. Each and everyone of you have given me memories that I will never ever forget.. hopefully. Haha. I truly am blessed beyond measure. There is no other group like us. We sure are different! Good or bad? I'd say good. ;p Anyways, I'd write out some memories but that would take forever. So I just want to say, thank you guys. You all have a very special place in this heart of mine. I'll love you forever and ever.

Sincerely,
Lisa

The world is filled will obstacles, hate, trials, tribulations, and poverty.

There are times when we feel we need to give up or put ourselves into some unreal fantasy, but open your eyes and deal with what’s in front of you.

Your problems will never go away if you don’t face and attack them.

So guess what? It’s time to start fighting.

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Papa,
you get me. I enjoy our talks, you know me so well. When I'm happy, when I'm sad. I can't ever hide it from you. I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you for caring for me. Your comfort helps me like no others. I love you.


Sincerely,
Your little football player.

Day 21 - The one you want to give a second chance to

Dear Person,
I'm not one to hold grudges. You ask for another chance, I'll give. Because all though we don't deserve it. We all want it. To be able to get another chance, is such a good feeling. Aren't you glad God gives us 245235124512341241x chances?! I know I am. So yes, you want another chance? You got it. Just don't act the fool, cause I don't play.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Tears.

They speak for my heart. Happy or sad. They never lie.

Someday.

I will repay you.


Promise.

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Honestly, I've been dreading this letter. But I must finish this challenge. I'll start of by saying, I trusted you, I listened to every single word you whispered into my mind. You caught me so twisted into things. Because of you, I've felt it all. You made me stay, you made me put up with things a person shouldn't even put up with. I trusted you, I believed you, but you betrayed me. You caused me nothing but pain. But even at that all time low, I still bowed to you. You broke my heart, you torn it to pieces, picked it up and put it back together only to tear it apart over and over again. And I let you. I always let you. And I have no idea when I'll stop letting you. You fooled me. So this letter goes out to who? It goes out to dearest old ME. I am the one who broke my heart the hardest. I let it happen. So I blame no one but myself. It's life. Yeah.

So this ones for me.

Better.

I want to be better. I need to be better.


Lord, I need you. Always.

Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear jgbvjhvj,
I worry for you, you pester my mind from time to time. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. As of right now you're headed down a path that will only lead to a broken heart. I wish you would listen to those good ones around you. But of course, we must learn the hard way. Stubborn young souls. Just know, when you do fall, I'll still be there to help you back up. Until then, I'll just keep praying for you.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 18 - The person that you wish you could be

Dear Person I wish I could be,
I don't know who you are, but I do know that you're probably a lot more smarter. A lot more disciplined. A lot more spiritual. Those are things I wish I had more of. To be smarter, have more will power, and to be more into my faith than I already am. I don't look at people and say and wish I were them.. cause I actually am happy I'm me. No one can be me. But I do wish from time to time that I could change certain things ABOUT me. And that's not wrong at all. We should always strive to be better. Better children. Better friends. Better lovers. Better siblings. Better Christians. Just better. I want to be better. I need to be better. Not for you, not for anyone. I need to be better for me. Better myself so that I may help better others. So with that being said.. To the person who I wish I could be, I will be you someday, but even better. Promise.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 17 - Someone from your childhood

Dear Joe,
I remember when we first met. I wanted to be your friend cause you and Joanne had candy during church. Haha. We eventually did become friends. Good friends. I loved when our sisters and us would battle each other in my living room. Wrestling was fun. Swimming was crazy. I saved your life countless times cause you didn't know how to swim and almost took me and joanne down with you. Your house was fun too! Computer boxes always make me smile due to all 4 of us getting in and rolling down the stairs and of the couch until we got in trouble cause it wasn't "safe" pfft! We had pillows inside we yelled. Haha. I remember when we had each others backs on the play ground. But we went our separate ways. One day as I was building a sick sand castle.. I saw you walking toward the park, and I thought.. "oh hey he's gonna help me!" but you didn't.. instead you fasten your pace and started running towards me towards my castle.. you jumped on it and other guys joined in. I was so upset. I told you "Joseph, you've gone bad! You shouldn't be like this." You replied with "Ya? Well you shouldn't hang out with _____ cause that's just as bad too!" I then just got up and left. We went our ways until one day when your buddy pushed me off the swings and you then punched him for doing so.. and his sister started pulling you so I pulled his sister off you. Haha. You gave me a look and I knew that we still had each others back.

Sadly we lost that friendship due to moving away from that church, ever since then things have changed. We're friends again, but of course its not the same. Were both adults now, but I know we still have each others backs. :} You're an awesome friend Joe.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 16 - Someone that’s not in your state/country

Dear Grandma,
I miss you so much! I love visiting you in Texas. You make me smile and laugh. Your words are so wise, your smile is heart touching. (even with that missing tooth.) I wish you lived closer, or even lived with us. I know I don't talk to you as much as I should on the phone, I know how much you want us grand kids to visit you and communicate with you. I sometimes wish I could just tell you all about my life, but something always stops me. I remember when I would write you letters all the time when I was younger, I honestly don't know why I stopped. I should probably start that again. I want to have a stronger relationship with you while you're still here. Hopefully I can visit you sometime next year. Thank you for all your gifts but especially your sweet prayers. I love you so much and so do butterflies.<3

Sincerely,
Your Grand Daughter.

You are my missing piece.

Tomorrow will is the 4th of July.. My 4th of Julys will always be bittersweet. I'll always have a missing piece to that day. Beva. The 4th is her day. The day she was born.. If she were still here.. Tomorrow I'd come home and open my door to my old room and she'd be there to greet me like no other pet has. We'd then snuggle up together and both shake to the sound of the fireworks.. Or watch it on tv. I would then let her eat all the food she wanted. And then we would go to sleep happy and snug. As little as she was, she sure could keep me warm. Boy do I miss her so so much.

Tonight I will go to sleep thinking of you. Wishing you'd be here when I wake. I love you, Beva.

I'm so ready!

Ready for this 4 day weekend! I hope it's magical!

Day 15 - The person you miss

Dear Person I miss,
I'll keep your name to myself just because. We used to be really close. But things recently changed. I was completely honest with you and in return you turned your back to me. I only wanted what was best for you. I've never done you wrong. But here I am, being treated as if I did. I know you know that all I said was true. I know you feel the same way too, but you're just too deep into what you want, and not about whats right. Even though what you think is right puts you down most of the time. It saddens me that we've grown closer and then take a bunch of steps back whenever it comes down to this. It's always this way.. I thought you'd have learned by now. But I have this feeling that it will stay this way this time. You've done things you can't take back. You're so blinded to this day. This year you've changed. For the better? No. So to the person I miss... it's not you who I miss, but who you USED to be. As of right now, were as good as strangers are. I get the drift. I just hope you'll consider all I've said to you out of pure good. You know I'm here for you whenever you do need me. You are an awesome friend when you want to be. I do sorta miss you, don't be gone for too long now.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 14 - Someone you’ve drifted away from

Dear Antonella,
First of I'd like to say, I love you dearly and miss you just as much. Sadly, we've drifted away. FAR FAR AWAY. We used to talk nonstop. Everyday. Now we talk a little here and there. I believe the last time we talked was at Joyce's party. I don't even think we said bye to each other. It makes me sad. I know even though we have drifted, it never feels that way once were together. At least we have that. I know you're busy and so am I. . I just hope we never drift so far to where we just don't care anymore. You know I'm always here for you. Especially when you want to tell me stories. I love those. I hope that we can start drifting closer again. Someday, someday soon.

Sincerely,
your partner in crime. :}

Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear Someone,
I honestly can say I don't know who you are. There can be more than 1 person. I wouldn't know though. I feel like everyone I have in my life has forgiven me.. but maybe some still have bitter towards me for reasons they only know. And if I knew the reason/reasons I would try to explain myself/make it up to you.. whoever you are. I don't want bad blood with anyone. Even if we aren't close friends. I wish you would just tell me if I've ever offended you. I want to ask you for forgiveness, that's the least I can do. So please, whoever you are, I'm not a hard person to talk to. I like honesty even if it hurts. Bitterness doesn't make you feel better.. coming clean does. :} So here I stand, I'm open if you are.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Help.

I find it really sad when you know someone needs help and so you lend out your hand, for it only to get slapped away.

You needed a lot of help. I was told to help you. I wanted to help you. But it's true what they say..

You can only help those who want to be helped.

Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Dear Satan,
I pretty much hate you. Is that wrong? You've caused me a whole lot of pain and troubles. You screw with my life everyday. And you won't ever stop till I die or till you go to hell. Which ever comes first. Just know you won't ever win. You may get the best of me at times, but I refuse to let you destroy my life ever again. You've come close, but not close enough. I will stand my ground whether you like it or not. I chose to fall in love with Jesus and to live for him, not you. Get over it and get gone.

Sincerely,
Lisa Guerra

Day 11 - A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Grandpa,
I never got to meet you. I've only seen one picture of you once when I was a little girl. I remember one day asking my papa about you and then getting yelled at for such a question. From that day on I never asked about you.. but I always wondered where you were. One day when I was older I was driving with my dad, and he finally started talking to me about you. How you would take all of the boys to get some pop, but they'd sit in the back of the truck or on top. My dad loved sitting there while under the sun with a pop in his hand. He also said you were mean.. and he's probably right. You did a lot of things that hurt him and the rest of the family. One day I found out what actually happened to you and I cried. I just thought you were somewhere in this world, hoping one day to see you. But that dream was crushed when my dad finally told me what happened. Sometimes I imagine it.. I don't know why. It's horrible though. I wonder who would do such a thing. I feel anger even though I don't know you at all. Anger towards the people who took you from all of us and just left you there in that alley, dead and alone. . To this day it's hard for my dad to talk about you. I wish you knew how much he loves you and how much he regrets not being able to make things right with you. And I'm sure you feel the same. I don't know much, but I know enough. Enough to love you. Enough to wish you were still here. I bet we could've been the best of friends. I sometimes get jealous when I see friends who have super close relationships with their grandparents. I wish I had that. So, if I could talk to you I would tell you all of this, and also that I love you despite all the things I've heard. Though I don't know you, I don't even know your name, my heart longs to know more about you cause at times I don't know if its even possible to miss someone you've never even met, but at times I miss you, Grandpa.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to

Dear God,
You were the first to pop in my head. Probably because I don't talk to you as much as I'd like/should. I'm guilty. My prayer life should be so much better. You bless me every single day and sometimes I don't even whisper a thank you.. I'm horrible. To even have such a privilege to be able to talk to you is beyond my worth. And yet, at times, I forget. As if it's nothing. And I'm so sorry for that. I was raised better than this. I truly want my spiritual life to grow more and if that's ever gonna happen. Prayer, it's a must. I used to live by that, but I slowly drifted and I'm ashamed for that. But Lord, I'm ready to change that. I'm so grateful that You never once left me or gave me up. You've always been there to carry me when I couldn't carry myself. I owe you my life and so much more.

Prayer is a must. Prayer is a privilege.


Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Tatay,

I've seen pictures and I've tried my best to talk to you over the phone even though you don't understand my english. I've always wanted to meet you. All the stories I hear about how you were a crazy guy who always got the girl. The awesome drummer. The tough fighter hippie man who liked spider rings. I just find you so awesome. I wish I could fly to the Philippines and just give you a kiss&the biggest hug ever. Even though you probably wouldn't recognize me since your memory isn't that well. I love your style, you're always so fresh with your shades and all. I hope one day I'll be able to take pictures with you! Hopefully sometime next year. So please tatay, hold on a little longer. I want to say my proper goodbye. I love you so much. Skyping with you is always a pleasure. <3

Sincerely,Your grand daughter.

Day 8 - Your favorite internet friend.

Dear IZZY,
Oh my oh my, I honestly had to think for a few seconds and then you popped in my head! Izzy, you are awesome. We met through maple story two years ago. You would always do maple videos and I'd be in them! Haha. We would email each other and talk about how you live in some small boring town and how you wish you could be like me. You cracked me up! The stories about you and your mom reminded me of my mom and how she tells me the same things. We don't really email anymore. We just leave random yahoo messages with hearts. We were all about the hearts! "Here's something that will fill your day! <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333" Hehe. You're such a sweet heart. You never liked the way you looked, and wished you could be "pretty" like me.. oh please. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. And I really hope you see that soon. I think after this I'll go leave you a random fact on YM. Those are always fun. I hope you're doing great in that small town of yours. Someday we should maple again. Maybe in 5 years or so. :p Thanks for all the free stuff. You cool!

Sincerely,
<3333333 Mi-cha!

Tinny music my summer makes.

I heard the ice cream truck that supposedly isn't allowed to drive up my street anymore
today.
And I knew when I heard the ice cream truck that summer is thinking that maybe it
would like to come up my street sometime, if that was what I wanted.
And I thought about it for a little bit, I thought about summer, and I finally decided on my last thought about it and it was this, I don't mind if summer doesn't drive all the way up my street.
It can stop at the corner like always, or, at least like always since years ago, and Ican walk down and buy my ice cream and walk up again and think this the world, or, at least the bit of world that fits in my eyes at once, looks really really nice when I have an ice cream cone in my hand and
the actual ice cream on my tongue.

Day 7 - Ex friend

Dear EX friend,
I met you when I was practically a baby. Our parents made us do the whole "little couple" thing. -.- What is up with people doing that to poor little innocent kids? Haha. Anyway, you were my playmate. I loved going to your house cause you had everything! Not to mention my favorite type of stairways! The ones that swirl up! Oh boy, I loved going up and down those stairs. I remember when we would race cause there were two. I really liked your parents cause they were both Doctors. I think that's why I grew up wanting to be one. Cause they would come home in those white jackets and nice scrubs, had a huge beautiful house, and would help me if I hurt myself.. not to mention how sweet and nice they were. You were just as nice.. sometimes! I remember wanting to be a boy cause of you, cause you would always ditch me when our brothers would come around. So I tried to be a boy and you made me cry cause well.. that didn't turn out too well. >.< You were my first my friend. Best friend. Sadly you had to move, I was so hurt I didn't talk to you for weeks. ( whoever said that kids don't know pain/ don't stress are so wrong.) Until the day before you left when my family came over. I just sat on the stairs and you played with the older kids. Before time was up, we had one last race up and down those pretty stairs. I was so determined to win and beat you into the ground.. and it happened. You fell down the stairs and started crying. I felt bad cause I wanted that in the beginning... but it felt wrong. You said you weren't crying from the fall, but cause you were leaving me your bestie behind. I just stood there until our parents came and told us to say our goodbyes. We hugged and our parents made us cheeky kiss. YEAH YEAH, KODAK MOMENT.. they took a picture out of nowhere. Normally we would make a big deal and attack our parents, but we didn't care this time. As I left we both knew we would never see or hear from each other ever again.. and we were right. Pretty smart for 6 and 7 year olds. To this day I still remember you. Why? Cause you were my first real friend that could talk. Haha. And because of the whole stage I went through about being a boy. I really do hope you and your family are doing great. Wherever you may be. I hope you're involved in church, and that you still love Jesus "more than I do." I wish you well and I hope you're enjoying life as much as I am.

Sincerely,
Little Lisa.

Day 6 - A stranger

Dear Stranger(s),
I see you everyday. I pass you in the halls. I look you in the eyes. Sometimes I even stand right by you. I secretly wonder how you're doing. What you're going through. Where you come from. What you do for fun. And most important, if you know Christ. And before I can even work up the courage to say a word, we look at each other and smile as we part ways. And as I walk I feel sad.. wondering if I'll ever see you again. Knowing that I probably wont. I then start to miss you, stranger(s).

Sincerely,
Another Stranger.

Happy Father's Day!

I love my papa. He's amazing. I don't know what I'd do without him. So much respect for that man. Words can't even explain. I thank God for allowing me to have him as my earthly father. Papa, I love you so much! Thank you for all you've done and for staying with us through out the years. Also for never giving up on me.

Day 5 - My dreams

DEAR DREAMS,
You make me long for night. Sometimes you make me super happy, other times you make me sad. And then there are the scary ones. I love and hate you at the same time. But I'm kinda of confused to as what kind of "dreams" are we talking about here? It can be both ways, my dreams in life, and the dreams I enter while fast asleep. Either way, I can say the same thing to both of them. Happy, sad, scared.. dreams make me feel that way. If you know me, you would know I'm big dreamer. And I honestly believe if you put it in your heart, you will make your dreams come true. It's all up to you really. So dreams, I promise you that one day I'll get you. Don't be too far away. You're right around the corner.... I can see you.

Sincerely,
Dreamer.

Day 4 - Your Sibling

Dear Chuck,
There is so much to say to you. First off, I'm happy that I asked for you to be born. Honestly I don't know how I would've survived without you as my minion. ;P You are awesome. I tell you my problems. You listen, or you tell me to shut up. Either way, you're still there.. cause I follow you when you walk away. Haha. I love how we are to opposite but are close like no other. I love it when you need me. Our missions are the best cause we always succeed. Our random battles in the hallway, and our random jam outs at 2 in the morning. These are things I won't ever forget. You truly are something else. Pure beauty, amazing, oh so talented, and so forth.. you have that all. And any guy would be beyond lucky to have you as his. I admire you for your standards in life. Please don't ever change that. Next year you'll probably be moving away and then going off to college, this makes me sad.. but just know you'll always have a place to crash if you need to. I'll make this short.. Bec, Charlie, Anne, Chuck... whichever.. yes, you are my closest sibling.. but you should also know that you're one of my bestest friends. So thank you for never giving up on me, and for slapping me in the face when I need it. I know you love me.

Sincerely,
Lisa

Day 3 - Your Parents

Dear Ma and Pa,
You guys are something else. I'm so thankful for such parents like you, even though you two are a bit too paranoid. You've worked your butts off for me and the rest of the siblings. Even though yall aren't working right now, you're still sacrificing so much just to stay here in California for me and Bec. Words can't thank you enough. Times are tough, but through this we still have each other. Though we argue and fight, Scream and yell, Laugh and cry... you two still have my back. I'm so blessed to have such great parents that support me in most of the things I do. Not all... but that's life. And as 2011 approach I hope to be able to pay you back for all the hard work. I don't know where I'll be living when you guys move away, but just know that I won't disappoint you. You've raised me well, and I'll carry my last name proudly. I am who I am because of the both of you. So as time flies, and it will, just promise me when were all up and grown that you two will love each other more. Not because of us kids, but for each other. And yes pa, you can come visit me in your RV anytime! Thank you, for everything. I love the both of you. Always always.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter.

Day 2 - Your Crush

Dear Crush,
I don't consider you a crush. You mean more to me than that. But I'm happy to say it still feels as if it is a crush. You know what I mean? The feelings you get when you see your crush, or when you're around them. It's like a rush, a thrill even. You get tongue tied, butterflies start eating up your insides and you can't help but smile. Just being around them is good enough for you. And that's how I still feel to this day. I don't ever want to lose that feeling. And I hope you never lose it as well. So you know what? Forget me saying I don't consider you my crush. I do. You're my crush. A crush of a lifetime. (insert hearts here)


Love always,
Your Crusher. (;

Summer

It's here. I wish I could enjoy it to the fullest. But I can't. I'll be missing out on a lot this summer. And I think it's all hitting me. It makes me sad. At least I get to attend VBS. That should be fun! I really hope the girls I'll be teaching will have a lot of fun, and that I'll be a blessing to them as much as I know they'll be to me.

School is seriously starting to feel heavy. I have too much to do. I need balance, seriously. I wish I could just take a week off. We all do. Oh well, this is life. I must accept it. It's all for my benefit. Just 6 more months..


Ugh, I need my nap.

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend(s),

You know who you are. We've been through a whole lot. The three of us. Sadly, we've also drifted in so many ways. 1 of you is already off in college. We promised to stay close and to text or call everyday. And we did keep that promise for a while.. then we slowly just grew apart. But even still, when we do talk its as if we never missed a day. You're there for me when I need you. You make me laugh like no other. Our stupidity together is priceless, not to mention our cooking sessions. I miss you so much. I hope we can get together soon. So that leaves you, the youngest. Man, remember when we hated each other? Oh the awkward days we always seem to have together. We've gotten a whole lot closer this past year. Who ever thought we could get any closer than we were. Guess we were wrong! I'm glad I can trust you and that you trust me. I love how you're honest. And you tell me how it is. I respect you for that. You're gonna leave this year, and to be honest, it makes me sad. I can't help but feel like I'll be replaced/forgotten. Left out basically. And if I did tell you this, we'd just make empty promises saying this and that. But I guess this is life. People always leave. And although it sucks, our lives will still go on with or without each other. I just hope and pray that somehow I'll make the effort to actually keep our friendships strong.

So girls, thank you for these past 6 years. I'll always treasure us. And I will always count you as my bffs! Even if we drift. I wont ever burn our bridge. I love you both.

Sincerely,
Me.

30-day Letter Challenge

I see this everywhere, and I find it interesting. I'm not doing it because everyone else is doing it. I'm doing it because I love writing letters, but I hate how I can't go back and read letters I've written because, well, I don't have them. Duh! But with this challenge, I can look back at these letters and smile, laugh, cry, feel stupid for the way I write now. All that good stuff. So here I go.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Afternoon naps.

Just a few minutes..
(I tell myself)
the sun wraps me in a blanket
and cements my eyelids
and I have to peel myself off the couch
two hours later.

Deserve.

Remove the word ‘Deserve’ from your vocabulary. Everybody wants to fight tooth & nail to get what they ‘Deserve’. I assure you, if you were to get what you deserve you would spend your life begging and pleading for mercy. Take Grace over what you Deserve, it is far superior.

Memorial Day

A day to remember and honor the fallen soldiers who died for our freedom. For our country. I can't ever express how thankful I am for all of them. So as we go about our day today, lets keep in mind that today isn't all about the beach, parties, picnics... etc. It's a day to remember. It's the least we can do. My heart goes out to all the family members who has lost a loved one in the Military.

Thank you all, sincerely.
Cousin Sony.♥

We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we may always be free.

LIFE

When we look for a life without difficulty,

remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds,
and diamonds are made under pressure.


Never would have thought.

Tomorrow I take my board exam for my x-ray license! I hope I pass it, or else I fail this whole mod. Which means I have to retake it next year. But with prayer and all the studying I did, I believe I'll do fine. And if everything goes well and I Ace it, then I'm licensed by the state to give x-rays!

I find it funny that I'll have my xray license before I have my drivers license. Hah. I never wouldve thought. But no worries, I'll get that soon enough! Hopefully second week of June when my lifes not so hectic!

I've been so busy this past weekend and week. I can't wait for the weekend! It should be a blast!

200th post!

wow! I seriously thought I've blogged more. Crazy. I wasn't going to blog tonight, ut my mind was bugging me about it. Yes, my mind bothers me when I don't blog.

Tomorrow is a busy day. Preparing for church anniversary this Sunday! Which by the way, you are all invited so please do come! Also, graduation. Then off to LA to pick up my brother. I just hope it goes well.

That life with him won't be even more dramatic. Please oh please!

Well, I'm glad I posted. Tonight was the best part of today! Thank you, sir!

nothing.

I have nothing to write about at the moment. My head it's filled with college exams and xrays. I have writer block! I hate it. I want to write something beautiful, but I'm too tired. All these things.. Argh. I'm seriously stressing out. This week will be different. That's all.

mmm sleep.

You tastes so good.

It's true.

Somethings really are better left unsaid. Not because they shouldn't be said, but only cause the person it's being told to isn't mature enough to understand it.

I find it sad when things like this happen. Especially when the person is old enough to be told something serious. I mean, come on! Grow up, please! It's for your own good most of the time.

I'm oh so done with people that fall into this category. DONE.


Just a conversation I had with my Dad this morning.

Mamsy-pamsy = a BIG no no in our book.

here we go again.

I dislike Monday mornings! I pray this week goes by fast. I'm tired of college already. -.-

Goodnight bloggers!

cookie

my sister is baking cookies right now. I want to sleep. But the lights are shining in my face. I guess I'll just play the ds. :)

Today was too long. I missed you. :)

I hate it when people are in the kitchen cookinh in the middle of the night!! Man, it's not even healthy for you! Ugh. Leaves me waking up cause I can't breathe from all that smoke. No one even cares that I'm on the floor in the livingroom trying to sleep.

Great day!

Life is sweeet. Today was great! I know I said I wouldn't blog nothing but poems or deep thoughts from now on, but I just feel like doing so.. So here I goes!

I finished mod 120 strong! Today my teacher talked to me after class and told me that she wants me to go back to college after I graduate in December to become an actual dentist or dental hygienist. I've been thinking and doing my research about it. But honestly, I don't think I'd want to spend 6 years becoming a dentist.
I know that I DO want to become a hygienist.. Which is 4 years. I just don't want to deal with all that school again. But I must do so to get to where I want to be. It's so nice to have so much support from my Mom, you, sis, friends, aunties, and especially my teacher.
It means so much to hear them encouraging me to do so. And how I have a lot to offer.
honestly, I never would have thought that people would see me this way. Me having a lot to offer? Really?
I just can't help but think upon these things. I have so much more to offer than I could have ever expected of myself.
don't get me wrong, I never doubted myself, I just didn't know how smart I truly am.
Blessed. That's me. Truly blessed.
I am what I am, but not cause of myself, or others.
But because of God and his loving mercy and grace.

I'll never be able to repay Him. But I'll do my best to give Him all the glory. I love you.

Really now?

I spent some time talking with my mom today as we cooked food. She asked me if I had a twitter cause she couldn't find me on there when she was in the P.I., I told her no. She went on to say that she loves my blog. " I love your poems... And... You're looooove lettererss!" I was shocked! How in the world. Haha. I just laughed as she started talking about my blog. She says she loves reading what I write. And how she's so proud of me. :')

I'm so glad. I thought she'd judge me for what I write on here sometimes, but she does the opposite. She encourages me to write even more! My mom and I are getting closer and understanding each other even more. It makes me happy that she knows how I feel.

I love my Mama!So since she reads my blog I must make a shout out...


HEY MAMA! :D

I'm different.

I noticed how different I really am from my college friends. It's crazy, kinda. In ways, were alike, but in some it's way off. Most of them are just searching for light. I can see it every Monday morning.. When they come in hungover or just depressed. I can hear it in their life stories.

It makes me feel so blessed to have my life. But then at the same time, I feel sad for them. They are all great girls.. I just hope I can somehow have a good inpact on them. So far so good.. I think.

I'll start off with praying. I know God will help me be a blessing to them. I just need to shake off my nerves. :)

Loving you is like food to my soul.

Mothers day is awesome. Except for the fact that I make people cry on this day by singing. It makes me want to cry too, but I can't cause then it would ruin the message of the song.

My mom loved her gift. I'm glad. I'm so thankful for my Mama. God has truly blessed me with an awesome one. Though at time we may disagree and yell.. I'll always love her with all my heart. She's my Ma! Without her I wouldn't be the Lady that I Am today.

So thank you, Mama.


God gave us a purpose, and a lifetime to see, why we should be so thankful that He gave you to me.. :)

I love you!

I miss you.

Beva

July 4, 2002 - May 8, 2009
Got her for my 12 birthday.

“Shake, shake, shiver, shiver. .”

Technically today is 1 year since she passed. Sigh. I miss her like crazy. I don’t really know what’s worst, finding your dog dead on the floor, or watching your dog as she dies in your arms knowing you can't do anything to save her. I miss you “Bebong" You were the best dog ever. I couldn't save you, but you saved me. And for that, I thank you.

I will always love and cherish you and our memories together.
♥

Assume.

One thing I dislike is when people assume things about me. But even more so if they don't even know me! And then putting it on blast with others as if what they said is the truth. Come on people! Don't assume things. Go find out the truth. People get in a whole lot of trouble for assuming this or that. And I won't lie, I'm guilty of this sometimes. I try my best not to assume things, but to find out the facts.

So please, get your facts straight before you start putting people on the spot. Cause if what you assumed is wrong, then you just made yourself look like the first three letters of that word.

Facts. Facts. Facts.

Home sweet home.

I love the feeling you get when you've been gone for a while and you come back to your home! It's like, ahhh! Comfort! I can't really explain it. But it's something that I love. Kinda like sleeping in your own bed after a long hard day. Mmmm.

Why am I writing this? Well, my mom is finally home. But I don't think she feels like she is. Her hearts not here. It makes me a bit sad.. I can see it in her eyes. She'd rather be with her Tatay. And I completely understand.. I just hope she feels at home soon. I miss her still.

A house is just a house, but a home is where the heart is.

A little too far.

Don't you just hate it when you're joking around with someone.. And they are fine with throwing jokes at others, but when it comes to them they take things too far and the jokes suddenly become well, not jokes. They become offensive. I don't like when that happens. People just need to chill. If you can't take a joke being throw at you, then don't throw one at someone else. Some people really need to grow up.

This isn't about anyone in particular. Just in general.
I guess that's my blog for the day!

May the fourth be with you! :p

Compliments.

I don't know how to take them well. When people compliment me when it comes to looks I'll say thanks or turn the light on them. I noticed that I get this strange feeling whenever someone tells me that I'm a great person with natural leading skills. I just stand there in shock! Especially when people tell me I'm really smart. I have no words to say. But then in my mind I'm telling myself say something so you're not stuck up or rude! Sometimes I'll disagree with the compliment so I won't seem conceded. Weird, I know.

It's just I don't like to be praised. I really don't. Especially if it's in front of a whole class. Is that wrong of me? I don't know. I just don't want to become a big head. I just need to learn how to better myself when it comes to these situations.

I will say, I have noticed that everyrhing people have been telling me, are coming true in my eyes. I guess it just takes me a while longeer to see it in me.

I am a lot smarter than I thought I was. I do great under pressure. I teach well. And I'm a sweet person. These things I have finally accepted. I will nolonger deny them. I don't need to deny it. Cause I know it's true.

I just want to give my God all the glory and honor. He truly deserves all the praise, not myself.

So, through out this year, I will work on my people skills. I want to be the best I an be when it comes to people. There really is no reason to be shy. Just smile and be friendly. Take the complimants and give them as well.

I can do this.

Bffs

I love them. Especially when we have our deep talks about life, and where were going. Today I realized that I don't want to lose any one of them when they leave. I mean, I already knew I didn't want to lose them, but I actually told them how I felt.

Life does go on, but you know what? It doesn't mean you have to lose contact with your loves just cause they are miles and miles away. I want to keep my relationships with all my friends. Especially my best friends.

I've been blessed with such great ones, and I am determined no matter where life takes us, that I will do my best to stay close to them.

I actually need to start reconnecting with one of my dear friends. :)

So, life goes on, but I will cling to my relationships that God has given me.

Through the four years I've learned that..

Your imperfections, to me, are perfect. Contrary to what I sometimes trick myself into thinking, I don't think I'd be able to get by as well without being able to eat the vegetables off your plate, without you eating the meat of mine, the pride I feel when you tell me about your goals and accomplishments, the ability to roll my eyes at you being ridiculous, battling in cooking mama 3 and bomberman, the scary contorted faces we make, your corny silly jokes, us singing backstreet boys and all those old boybands in your car out of nowhere, your hugs...

Without the knowledge that at least one person here appreciates me fully for who I am, without you being there to hear me out and vise versa, without you, without you with me.

In a vast orchard of red or green or yellow apples, you are blue. And from the very moment I saw you, from the very moment I heard of your existence, I was intrigued. There is no other apple in that orchard exactly like you, and I'm amazed that in the same, endless rows of trees, you found my branch and picked me. What color am I to you? I feel like just another red apple, but maybe you see it otherwise

I'm sorry for sometimes thinking that blue apples are weird, that they'd be better off tinted a little like the others, that having a blue apple made me strange rather than fortunate. But I am oh so fortunate. And oh so wrong about being tinted. (Even though red is your favorite color.)


You are you, and I am me, and we're both some weird frickin' apples. And we're far from perfect. But no love, no matter how long, strong, or colorful, can be perfect. And in the end, I think that's what makes it so beautiful.

I give all the praise to God. Without Him we would be nothing.

you are awesome.

Amazing.

That's what today was. Amazingly wonderful. Words can't even describe it. I'm so blessed to have such great people in my life. I know I don't deserve any of it. But God is gracious to me.

Thank you, again. You're the best!

Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should.

Only one life, so soon it will pass.

There’s a difference. A choice. & that choice will make or break you. Think ahead. Because quite frankly, I’d rather not have people try to back themselves up with inadequate excuses. The tricky thing about second chances lies in the phrase itself: second. No thirds, no fourths. You were given that second chance because you were trusted to make that 180-degree turn. Trusted to make that change & stay committed. So take that second chance & run with it, because if you’re getting a second chance at, oh let’s just say, LIFE— why in the world would you throw that away? Realizing that it’s easier to say yes only means that it’ll be harder to say no.

So, what kind of choices have you been making these days?
Have you become a better person because of it? Was it even worth it?

Only what's done for Christ will last..

Friday is about here.

I got all my testing done today. I did very well! So well that me and some friends are getting treated to lunch tomorrow by Ms. Fara. I love getting A's. I'm so grateful for everyone who has prayed for me. I was freaking out this whole week! I just really appreciate all the support and encourgement. I got the dental dam done and I scored a 44 out of 46 and a 89 on that skill. If only I placed it under 3 mins, but it took me about 5.. Which is okay, cause I just learned this skill a day ago, so I'm perfectly fine with it. I did my best. I prayed before and while I was testing, so all glory and honor goes to God! I couldn't have done it without him. And also with my theory test, got the highest score in the class. Again, PTL! I didn't even study for that. But God is good! I'm smarter than I thought. Haha.

Anyways, after this week of blogging I've decided to go back to the way I used to blog. I feel like I haven't been writing. Like getting inspired by something and just typing what it stirs up in my heart. So I feel like I need to start that again. Maybe I'll just use my tumblr for my day details or even xanga. Whichever is fine.
I just wnt to keep my writing fresh. It's something I miss doing. So I shall shake off this writersblock that I've been carrying! Come this Monday this blog of mine shall be back to the start!

Watch me not follow through. :p

How deep the father's love for us.

I will not boast in anything— no gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ: His death & resurrection.

My actions & my resolutions could never amount to what God has in store if they’re not in line with His will. I really must trust in Him more. Must strive to be more like Him. His unconditional love never fails, so that same love must show through me. Although I may disappoint Him & stray away, He is gracious in greeting me when I return after so many mistakes, for in fact, He paid for it all.

“My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.” —1 John 2:1-2

Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.
But this— I know with all my heart— His wounds have paid my ransom.

someone stop the clock!

Time. It goes by way too fast. There's just not enough time in the day for me to do what I would like to do. I wish I could just pause time.. And get everything done right there and then! But then again, maybe there is enough time in the day. Maybe it's just me. I need to rearrange my schedule, I guess.

I will do it! I need to do it. Soon I'll have to find a job so I can help pay for my car. (when I get one) and pay my bills.

Growing up isnt so fun when you have bills to pay. But thats life! :P

Earrings.

today was a great day. After church the Videnas took us out to lunch at panda buffet. Yummmy to the tummmy! Afterwards, kester, mariah, becs, and I went to claires cause I wanted to buy earrings.. And socks.. Which I forgot and just remembered right now. Ugh! Hah. Anyway, I ended up not buying anything cause I'm broke. BUT thanks to kester, he got me three pairs of earrings! He insisted cause it was buy 2 get 1 free. They are pretty. I got these pig earrings, these leaf ones, and a black rose. Wooo. Awesome. He is just too kind. But I'm thankful. :) someday I will repay him. I will.

Well, time to sleep. Goodnight!

I hate it.

I hate getting angry and doing something out of anger. It makes me feel horrible afterwards. So I cry out of guilt. Then I pray and ask for forgiveness. But just cause you're forgiven doesn't mean you're completely back to your happy self. Sigh..

It's okay though, cause you'll get going again. In time.

(this is dedicated to Pie.) Sometimes she just gets on my last nerve. But how can you stay mad at a cute face? You can't.. Or at least not for long. :p

movie night !.

These are always the best. :)
we watched where the wild things are.. I thought it was super cute. I even got teary eyed in parts. It was a good movie. After the movie I got out my homework, and Kester read some of the words to me. Not that I can't read, mind you. But most of these words are seriously strange. Haha. We got a good laugh out of them.

I love him so much. He always makes me feel better. PTL for giving him to me. I'm a lucky gal... But even. I'm a BLESSED gal. :)

Goodnight, Readers. Enjoy your weekend.

busy busy busy.

Though tomorrow is Friday, I have have a bunch of this to get done. I need to go to joanns to get some felt for the thing I'm making for someones bday. I really need to get started on that this week. Uh, also need to buy some socks. Hehe. I love socks.. But now while I sleep. Weird, I know.

Well, that's pretty much it. Today was good. I did my skills testing.. I already blogged about it on tumblr. So yeah. I did great underline underline.. That's what Ms. Fera wrote. :)

Goodnight, blogger!

oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful!

I really really really want it to snow this week. Nowthat would just top all these bizzar changes/happenings in this world. Tah! I've been studying since I got home. I haven't even napped yet. So sad. But it's all good. I got tomorrows homework out of the way. This week has been pretty swell. I got an A on my vocab exam and a B on my theory exam. I was shocked to hear I got the second highest score for the theory exam.. I find that pretty crazy. That test was a tricky sucker! But PTL, I did well. Now all that's left for this week is my skills testing. I feel ready, but the nerves to get to you till you're in the lab and the teacher is watching your every move, while you fix someones mouth. Aye!

so please pray for me tomorrow. :)

Rain.

i'm loving the rain, but it's making me more tired than I am. I need to study, but my back seems to be mad at me. It wants me to suffer I guess.

well, I shall call my mama, then study, then I can rest my back.

God is good!

Skills.

Skill testing all week long. Vocab test tomorrow, then Theory test on Wednesday. So much to learn. Charting is going to be a pain.

I need to nap, then I will hit the books! I'm supposed to make up a quiz for the Bible Institute tomorrow night as well. Arghh. I haven't even studied for that. Hm, I shall ask my loving man to help me with that. :D

Well, that's all for now. I shall post up a random poem for today if I can even come up with one right now... :p

Deep thinking starts now!

Edit---

Continue down the page, I posted my little thought writing thingy below. So it would flow. :]

He came.

He came.

He who held the waters in the hollow of his hand,
who marked off the edge of the universe,
halted the ocean at the shore,
arranged the heavens to reflect his glory in the night.

He came.

Who has painted the sun's journey across the sky?
Who, at a thought, can shape the story of mankind?
Who spun time, breathed life into dust, and fabricated light?

He came.

He who has seen the deepest echoes of my heart,
who has heard my anxious thoughts,
cradled me beneath his wings,
he who came for me.

Summer vinilla.

Today was a great day. I love helping with the childrens ministry. Today they were all coming up to me and asking me to make them balloons and then to turn those into something cool. Boy did my fingers hurt. After church me, Mister, Bec, and Mariah went to rite aid to get me some white cheap shoes. I love them cheap. And highlighters. We then went to pat and oscors and ran into everyone there. Ate ate ate... Walked to barnes.. Saw a ufc champ. Kester was walking with him. My love is famous now. He's probably in a billion pictures with bj penn now. Haha. After that we ran to bath and body so we can smell nice. :p that was fun, but I just don't like them anymore. Ever since the discontinued my lotion I'm all about victoria secret now!

Anywhoo, I'd go into detail, but I've been studying for hours now and I'm tired so goodnight world, goodnight. :)

Lalala.

Today was awesome. I went to visitation today with Joyce and our sisters. Everyone we visited wasn't there so we just decided to go to parks and take a picture at all the parks we go to. It was fun! We went to 5 parks and then back to church to meet up with my love. From there we all went to jamba juice and got our drinks. Mm.. Everything taste better when it's free..

We went to MC for The Music Man. Wow. They were amazing. Jojo was awesome . I was surprised how good they were. Their drama director is a pro. She's great. After that we went to Ji's party and just chilled there.. then home.

Twas a good day!. Goodnight my someone, goodnight.

TGIF.

Today was good. Got a lot done today. I got to work on one of my partners today. I was freaking out cause she has experience in the dental field. I thought I would do something and she would be like " you're doing it wrong!" but to my surprise I did it! And I did it well! They all said that was great for my first time, I just need to keep the HVE light. But over all it was good. i had to act as if she really were my patient. Kinda weird, but fun.

Some people that has been there for a month hasnt even gotten it down.. which is kinda bad. And my teachers taking one of my team members Emily and switching her with another girl that I'm kinda unsure of.. just because she started crying cause she didn't want to be switched. Eh. I just hope she doesn't hate us for it. Hah.

Well, I have a lot to get done this weekend. A bunch of studying and shoppping to do! :) Also, get to go watch The Music Man tomorrow. This should be a great weekend!

First day as a D.A.

It was awesome! I was kinda nervous, but that left me as soon as I got to school. Everyone was so welcoming. I have a good team. Already have new friends. Pretty cool. I made a mold of a mouth today, that was fun. Learned a lot. Very hands on. Were starting off in MOD 120 chair-side assistance already. I love it.

We had a test, and I got 10 answers out of 30 wrong, but that's pretty good.. considering I don't even know the names of the teeth and numbers and all that good stuff. So I was happy. Also because it's not counted to our grade, PTL. I got my teal scrubs, I look very nice in them. (;


Today was a great day! I'm so blessed to be able to finally move forward with my life.
Now I shall study my vocab, then number my teeth mold, then I will nap so I can be awake for church!

Thank you, God.

Passed.

I did it! I took my final in less than 30 mins and passed with a 91! PTL!!
I didn't expect anything above an 85 since I only studied last night and this morning. I guess my brain works better than I thought.

Today is orientation. I'm nervous, but excited. Kester says I'll be great. I hope he's right.. I would hate to fail.I have so much to get done today. Bad thing is, my back sorta went out on me again. Curse that fall that happened a few weeks ago. I need to be healed by tomorrow. I should probably get some sleep now.

Well, have a great day bloggers! Don't forget to smile, the world needs to know you care, so be nice!(:

You're great.

I got some studying done thanks to my awesome love. He helped me study. It was fun. a whole lot of laughing... which is actually helpful. :)

I'm so blessed to have someone to go to for help, comfort, company, you know all that good stuff. I mean, I have God. No doubt He's there.. but like a little girl once said.. I want someone with skin to be there for me. Someone who you can see, touch, and actually hear.

And I have that. Some people don't. They don't even have God. I'm blessed enough that I have God plus everyone else. I never ever want to take any of them for granted.

So thank you guys.. for being there for me. Whether it be great or small. A smile, a hello. A hug, a prayer. It means a whole lot to me. So thank you!
I love you all.

Study study study.

So I've been studying for my make-up final. I have to take it this Tuesday night. I haven't been going to the institute for like 3 weeks now. I feel bad for missing all that. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna continue to take it for credit anymore.. Since I'll be starting college this Thursday. I'll be super busy with my studying.. To even study for the insitute. But I feel like everyone expects me to keep taking the class for credit since I didn't go to Bible College. I guess we'll see what happens.

But once I get a job, I'll probably have to drop the institute. Cause my priorities will have to change. God first, of course. I have till July to find a job that works with me.. Cause I have to start paying off my student loan in October. Then I graduate in December! Hopefully by then I can start my career in the Dental field and start my life as an actual adult.

I'm so excited for all this! Thank God for grants! :)

Faithful.

"Every Word He's Promised Is True
What I Thought Was Impossible
I've Seen My God Do..

You hold onto me even when I run away

You are faithful when I am faithless
You died for me when I should have paid
You are faithful when I am faithless
You gather me like a lamb in your arms
You carry me tenderly, close to your heart
You are faithful when I am faithless
I will abandon the world and carry my cross.

Y.O.U.

You, you love me for who I am. You, you take care of me when I'm down. You, you hold me so nice and warm. You, you protect me from the storm. You, you buy me plenty. You, you call me pretty. You, you help when I need it. You, you, you, you. You, you are awesome.


I know, I know..
Thankyou.

Peace.

There is peace to be found in that
subtle arrangement of sound within
a piece of music. A striking photograph,
a snippet of poetry that made you
laugh or sigh because you heard something
inside yourself reflected in the words.
There are books that teach you how to read
and teachers who teach you how to teach
and poets who teach you how to write
but I'm all right just spilling what comes out of me
at the moment in the philosophy
of polarized human memory.
There is peace in knowing you did not strive for
originality but simply revealed truth
and in the process became original.

"You were born a original, don't die a copy"

The rules of poetry.

Rhyme is for when you're searching
for something to say.
Free verse is for when your pen
can't move fast enough across the page.
And if they happen to coincide...
well, then, that's just fine.

just write, write, write.

keepsakeheart

keepsakeheart
sakeheartkeep
heartsakekeep

Keep, for your sake and mine, my heart.
Absence will draw us closer as is its art.
For the sake of your heart, keep it.
Please.
My heart, for your sake, is yours to keep.
Dream of me when there's no time to sleep.
For the sake of keeping, here is my heart.
Please take it.
In my heart is where I keep the things I won't forsake.
The cause of broken is they who break.
Keep my heart for love's sake.

sakekeepheart.
heartkeepsake
keepheartsake

illkeepyours,.♥

The meeting of the eyes.

Driving down the highway I sometimes like to look into other people's windows as I stop beside.
I just want to know that behind that machine there's another human being just like me--no disguise. The light glares across the glass, rolling away for just a glimpse of whomever is inside.
And sometimes I find we're both looking at the same time. Then we look stiffly away, as if
it's improper somehow to see the tiny bit of soul revealed in that meeting of the eyes.

Hold my hand.

Today was a good day. I'm still sick though. I need more sleep. This week I really need to work my butt off! Clean the house. Help my dad with grocery shopping. Work out. Get my schedule worked out. Start my projects.

I shall sleep soon. I love sleeping while you hold my hand. It somehow takes away all the troubles in my head. And as I fall into slumber, I know I am in good hands. Safe and sound.


Sleep well, Blogger.

Sunday.

Happy Resurrection day!

Cantata went well. PTL! Sadly, I couldn't sing. I gave my sister my solo. She did great. I just love my church. Everyone's so happy and welcoming. I didn't stay for evening service. I wish I did. We were having our Lords supper tonight.

Right now I'm at LAX with my Mama, Kester, John, Bec, and family friends.
Kester and John are dueling and they are getting a crowd. Haha, I guess people love them.
It's only 9:35 my mom checks in at 10:00 then we wait till about 12.. then we say our tearful goodbyes. And we head home. Sigh.

I'm gonna miss my Mama.<3

Saturday.

Last day of Cantata practice went well. Sadly, my voice at the moment is gone. I pray it finds me again before we sing tomorrow.

So as of now I sit here thinking.. thinking what? About music.

Where does this capacity for music come from? How does one define it? A breath--no--a gasp--that refines it. Locked deep within each human soul, A cavern to which the only key
Is the twinkling and wrinkling of music's beauty. Colors--pictures--blots of ink and sound
Collide to frame yet another story. A just companion to language's glory.

Goodnight.

Friday.

Today really is "good" Friday! Not due to religion. It was just a good day.. great actually.
I woke up at 7, got ready, left to go see if I got in. I got interviewed by the Manager and then the Director! I was so nervous! But to my surprise, they both told me that I'm perfect for the position, and how I'm super awesome. It left me speechless. All I could do was smile. What was even more awesome was Sonia (Manager) and Brad (Director) are Christians too! So they based everything on what is good for me, cause they don't want anything interfering with my ministries at my church.

Talk about amazing! It's just so rare to come across people nowadays that are so open with their Christianity. I just praise God for everything. He knew what I needed and when I needed it. I waited and waited.. and now I'm finally here. It's just so crazy how everything fell into place. I could go on and on, but I won't. All I can say is thank you for everyone who has kept me in their prayers.

I spent the rest of my day enjoying the weather with the ones I love. And then the evening with the boyfriend. He's so wonderful. <3

God is good. All the time. All the time.

Wednesday.

Todays weather is actually nice. A little bit of gloom. A little bit of sun. A whole lot of wind. It's relaxing to me.
I finally got my papers so I have my appoinment tomorrow morning. I hope it goes well. If it does then I'm pretty much set for life! So lets pray for the best here. I trust that God will provide.

I'm so ready for all this!

Tuesday.

I woke up really sick.. I thought it couldn't get any worse. I was wrong. Lets just say I got hurt. Really really bad. I fell and now my foot has these huge two bumps on it.. And my toe still hurts. My dad's surgery went well. I praise God for that. I just feel bad cause I can't help him due to my foot, and I don't want to get him sick. So I stayed away.. And went to my moms room. Suddenly as I was getting off the bed my lower back decided to go out on me. I knew it was coming.. That fall was nasty. I then realized I have this huge bruise on my thigh. Sigh.

Being sick while not being able to move is the worst feeling to me. I started crying as my mom rubbed my back with medicine. I just feel so useless today. Everything I wanted to get done today didn't even get touched. I hate when I complain.. Times like these I realize how much I take for granted. All this pain, it's temporary. I'll be able to breathe, walk, run, and even bend over. Some people don't have any of that to look forward to. They're bedridden for the rest of their lives. And some, some don't even complain.. But here I am. I can be such a baby sometimes. I'm so thankful that through bad times, God always shines that ray of light on me.

He truly is my hope, my rock, my all.

Also I'm so thankful for my Mom. She's the best nurse ever. I love her so much.
Oh and I can't forget my Love. Hearing his voice makes me feel alot better.

I am blessed. Thank you, God.<3

Mondays.

I could be out right now with Kester and John, but instead I'm here at home trying to study.
I feel like nothings sticking to me! I don't like doing things on Monday, I just feel like resting today.
Too bad I can't. I have so much to do this week. Finals are tomorrow, and my Papa is like drilling me and saying he won't accept failure. Wow. Come on.

I'm waiting for my financial papers to come in so I can go on with my life. They are probably in the mail right now. Too bad the mail thing is all the way at the end of the street where shady people live. Tomorrow my Papa also gets surgery. So I don't even know if I'll make it to class. I have to drive him around for two weeks cause the Doctor says he's not allowed to drive for that amount of time. I honestly don't see why. It's just tonsils. Hah.

Mama leaves this Sunday right after Easter Cantata, we head to LAX. Kester is coming with cause I don't think I'll be able to drive in LA traffic.. :p

Anyways, I really need to get the paperwork done and get an appointment this week! I hate stressing out.

Lord help me, please.

Sundays.

"Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes,
empty people filled with care,
headed who knows where..."

There's something different in the air on Sundays. I love them. My Sundays belong to God. You'll find me at church on Sundays. Whenever those doors are open, I do my best to make it. Why? Because it's the least I can do. We have so much time to do whatever we please, and all God ask for is to be at His house (church) when the doors are open. To honor the sabbath and keep it holy.

It makes me sad inside when I drive by parks, malls, even restaurant on Sunday mornings. You see so many people. . . And I can't help but wonder why. Families are slipping away. You invite people to church and they come up with excuses. " I go every now and then.." "I have to go buy groceries." or, " oh were busy on Sundays cause you know that's our family time." or even better.. " It's our beach day. don't want to pass up the beauty of Sunday." Tah! I mean, come on! It's not like church is all day! I just don't get it. People say they want to go to church, but when they get the chance they don't evening make time for God. It breaks my heart to see where this nation is heading to. Most people only go on Christmas Sunday or Easter Sunday.. that's when you see the most people.. it just shouldn't have to be like that.

We are blessed beyond measure. Blessed by God. We don't deserve it. But even still He gives it to us.. He puts us first, but when it comes time to put Him first, we say no. We pull out our excuses and say, " maybe next time" oh really? I doubt that.
It just makes me sad that most people won't give up 2 hours of their Sunday to worship the God that blesses us every single day. I guess we just thank Him with an IOU or a rain check. Just know, there won't be any excuses in heaven. Everyone will give an account for what they've done, and for what they've failed to do.

I just want to do the best I can be for my Lord. God deserves nothing but my best. Nothing less.
And you know that He deserves your best too.

Question is, will you give it to Him?

Capture.

Why do capture and enrapture rhyme?

Perhaps because when we strive to capture
that which we cannot grasp,
we contemplate the rhapsodies of time.

Family.

I spent the whole day with the Garcias. Met a lot of new family members. They were all so sweet and happy to meet me. I was even told that I'm a good one. A keeper! Ah, I love big families. Especially when everyones super close. It makes me miss my family. I'm glad I got to spend time with them. I feel closer now. :)

I felt like I was already apart of them, it was a great feeling. I can't wait to have my own family. Being around all the little cousins and neices and nephews.. it made me excited. To know that one day it will be my turn! Sooner than it seems. Super excited!!
Lolo & Lola Garcia, they really were the definition of love and marriage. Over 60 years of marriage.. so amazing. I will never forget Lolo.. I just wish I could have known him longer. But now he's with the Lord. No more pain. No more suffering. I will always remember and even pass down what I've learned to my family.

R.I.P. Lolo Garcia.

Mama.

I love my mom. We don't always get along, but we have each others backs. She does her best to understand where I'm coming from. She's always there for me if I need someone to talk to. She tells me what's right and what's wrong. She doesn't always agree with what I do, but she tries her best to support me. Encourages me when I need it most.. though at some times I feel like it's more of pushing, I know it's out of love.

I love talking to her about what I want to do with my life. It's just priceless. I know without a doubt, if my mom could give me the world, she would. She would do anything for me. But what I love the most about her... is that she prays. And when I say that, I mean it. Hours in the morning, she prays. And I know she prays for me and my future life all in God's will of course. I couldn't ask for anything better.

She's a hard worker. She does what she can, and she does it wholeheartedly. She carries a lot on her shoulders, but she does her best to keep a smile on her face. She puts everyone first, and herself last. And people take her kindness as weakness, and takes advantage of her. And sadly, I'm guilty of this at times.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. She even tells me that sometimes with a smile. And it's so true. I love her so much, and I'll miss her while she's in the P.I. for a month or so.

I love you, Ma!

The Big Comfy Couch

"I don't believe you can stop at one point and say, 'I feel comfortable here.' I don't want to feel comfortable. I want to see what's out there, what I can reach."
- Mariano Rivera

Everyone wants to be comfortable, but when we become too comfortable; we become too accepting and we lose the thirst for challenge, change, and the drive that takes you to the next level. The same drive that shows you how much better everything can be.

Awake.

I'm awake when I should be sleeping. I just got off the phone with Kester. I just love how we can talk and talk for hours. Now I'm wide awake. I think I'm excited for later today. I finally get to have my tooth finished! Yay. I love my trips to the dentist. I hope this week is a good. On Wednesday, I'm finally gonna meet Kester's whole family! Talk about a lot of people! They're all here for Lolo Garcias funeral. I remember when I first met his parents.. oh boy.. that was scary.. but it turned out great! His dad even called me his future daughterinlaw and took pictures. Good times. I'm kinda nervous to meet more of the others.. but it makes me happy that his aunts, uncles, and cousins want to meet me! Don't you all just love big families?! :)

Today was a good. I missed Meca though! I hope she gets better soon.
Well, I'm tired now so time to sleep. Ill blog again later today. :)

Guess who

I wish you could cover my eyes forever,
so all I ever had to see was the inside of your knuckles,
the rivers in your palms, and I'd always know I was safe and surrounded by beauty.

I just had to express the way Im feeling.. anyways..

Tonight was great. Kester and Kim came over, then we went to San Marcos to go shop. That was fun! Walked around. Stopped by guitarcenter. I always love going there, its like guitar heaven. and the people who go there are just so awesome and friendly, we all just jam together. After that we ate out at ihop, took pics, then we went home.. now I'm here writing all this. I should get some rest now.. big day tomorrow. Gonna go bowl it up on 32nd street tomorrow night. Yeee!

I hope everyone enjoyed their eveningas much as I did. :)

Wherever a flower blooms, hope blooms alongside it.

HELLO, SUNSHINE.
Today is a good day to be alive.

Spring is here. I hear it in the wind, I hear it in the song the birds sing just outside my window. I see it in the sky, I see it in the blooming flowers. I smell it in the air. I feel it on my skin. Pure beauty. I'm excited, even more so for summer. I usually don't like summer, but for some reason I have this feeling that this summer will be one of the best. I can't wait!

My world has a brand new spin.
<3

You get what you need.

I like old things better than new. It seems like older things are more durable. Especially when it comes to cars. Now, the picture to the right.. yes... I really really want that baby. I've always loved baby blue beetles oh and even more so if it's a convertible beetle. Eeeek! Hearts hearts hearts! I definitely wouldn't mind getting one. I wouldn't mind getting any kind of car, as long as it worked. Hah. But I just really want that one in the picture. Sigh.

Sometimes I wish I could get whatever I want when I want it. But I can't. Life's not that easy... infact life isn't easy at all. Well, at least for most it isn't. We all have to work for what we want/need. Mostly for what we need, then comes along the wants. I want a lot of things, and if you're honest with yourself, you do too. But if you're me, I keep it to myself. I don't even bother asking because I know I can't have it. I hate envying others. It's something that I believe everyone struggles with. Including well off people.

In the back of our minds we all want something. Whether it's something new, something old, or someone elses. We see it all the time, people who have everything, but still want more. Or people who wish they had a different family. Different parents, different looks, different relationships, different lifestyle, ETC. We all do it at some point. We envy, also known as covet. Some people do it more than others and get carried away.

Nonetheless, envying others, or things, it's wrong. And we all know it. If you aren't careful you can let it overtake you, and when that happens you become blind to the blessings that you have. And I'm guilty of this. We all get too caught up and forget. We may or may not be well off, either way we should always remember that we are blessed with what we need and sometimes with what we want. We take things for granted. Simple things. Simple things that others, like people from third world countries would die for. So remember that the next time you think you have it bad, cause you don't.

"You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need"

I don't always get what I want, but God ALWAYS provides what I need and even more. Right when I need it.<3

Complacent

Sometime people aren’t complacent. We don’t put our feet up. We don’t sit still. Whatever the game is, we like to win. And once we win, we get a new game. We push ourselves.. It doesn’t matter how much we achieve if you’re a climber, there’s always another mountain. People take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of a mountain. They’re smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way cause who wants to remember the rest of it. We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level. Nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just wanna remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing. And it’s worth the pain. That’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything.

So with that being said, time to push even harder. Not because I like it, but because I have to, I need to. Not for anyone else, but for me. There's a lot that must change in so little time, but through the grace of God, I know I can do it!

Intriguing.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this to most of the people, but I really love balloons. I remember when my sister gave me a special balloon (Picture above) for my 19th bday @ disneyland. It was perfect, I actually still have it and the light still works! Anyway... balloons... There’s some sort of magic in them that makes them so intriguing. With one in hand, I may think about everything & nothing at the same time. It’s a wonderful feeling— being carefree and ecstatic about .. life. Oh how I miss those days.

I love how we, just like balloons, come in different colors and shapes. We’re all different and of value to a special someone. We all have the potential to create happiness, and once gone, create sadness. Yet, inside of us, we have that same one characteristic that allows us all to become something greater than what we know. We exceed limits. We defy gravity. One small puncture, however, can bring us down; slowly, but surely. Although you might not have been completely torn off from this world, a lifeless balloon is just as useless and pathetic. So with that, I encourage you to stay alert & take care of yourselves. It seems that I become more disappointed with this world everyday. On the other side of the spectrum, this world could not have been more beautiful. God is amazing.

Accessories.

So today I decided to mold some things for someons birthday, Joannes bday. I was going to sew her something, but honestly, I'm too busy to get all that done by tomorrow night. So I just stuck to the molding, it's not as hard. But still hard. Hah. It all takes patience. I molded it into what I wanted, but I didn't bake it yet.. I need to buy some eye hooks so they can be a charm or something. Also I need acrylic paint... Man. So I'm suppose to get that tomorrow with Kester so it can be from the both of us. I like when he helps. :p But now that might now happen tomorrow due to family emergency. So please keep the Garcia family in your prayers.

Anyway, if I can't get what I need tomorrow after practice then I'm just gonna have to work with what I got. Water paints on clay..ehh.. Not the best but I can make it work... I hope. Haha. Tomorrow shall be fun! Childrens Cantata practice.. Yay! But Rocel won't be there to help. :( it's okay though, lets just hope they listen to me! Ha.

Class was okay tonight. I'm so tired. I couldn't really focus, so I think I failed my quiz. Eeh.. But I got my paper back, I got an A! So I'm happy! :)

Now, with all that said, I can hit the hay! Night bloggers.<3

So much to do.

This year is a busy year. It's going by so fast. It's already march, so crazy. Right now I'm just taking a break from studying. So much to study for. Hmm, I need to make up a quiz, study for final exams, get started on some essays, call the base and get details for the youth group thing.. what else? Uh, get Choral books for this on coming childrens cantata. Argh, it's so hard to find decent music for kids nowadays. All this thinking is making my head hurt.

Anyway, my moms leaving next month for the P.I. she'll be gone for a month! Crazy. I'll be the queen of the house. Hahaha. If only my dad were leaving too. Kidding. But yeah, she'll be back May 5th maybe with my kuya.... im excited!! Something tells me it's gonna be thee best. :D

Ayee, I shouldn't boast of tomorrow. Sometimes I get a head of everything. I tend to do that a lot. Well, God is good and I am happy. This week has been a blessing. I love the Rices and the Finneys. Such a blessing. Even though their kid was a handful, I still adore her. So precious.

Lately Ive been writing just doodles and stuff, but I kinda don't like how my hand writing is now.. I feel like I should change it. Make it more neat and stuff.

I think this whole entry is so all over the place, oh well.
Till next time!<3